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[14 Mar 2005|04:56pm] |
<3 Me, Erika, Kate, Cass
new lj. this one is oficially done.
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[30 Nov 2004|10:23am] |
*i found a poem katie wrote about me not too long ago on her myspace. i kept reading it over and over again, wow. she puts a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.* http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=2565991&Mytoken=20041130092743
;everything she deserves;
you cause...
HURT
inside she...can't hold on.
she...cuts...she...
.medicates.
Her veins pumping tainted blood and
she wishes she'd...cease to exist...
...will she...
.give up.
...will she...
see truth.
you mean nothing
she can survive..without you.
too many, too many
people love her for her to
.die.
Just for you.
selfish, selfish..
...if you are to make her...
believe..
.anything.
except that she is perfect
.being her.
..because...
..no one does it better...
she deserves to exist.
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[24 Nov 2004|09:57am] |
so. this will be a nice change.
i have decided. to not lose anything for anyone.
because this is just another day.
another stupid "drama".
why obsess over something, when in the end.
its going to go back to how it started.
and even if not. it is all just a waste of energy and emotions.
but i do have a loss for words.
but.
see yuh.
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[23 Nov 2004|08:39am] |
I think everyone should read this..
why bother disliking someone or "hating" someone if all it will bring you is nothing really.
think about it. change the way you treat someone you dont like and make their life hell and what do you get out of it, a few more enemies, maybe 1 or 2 people to agree, then some sort of "dignity". when does a person finally feel "dignity" anyway, after ruining the life of another. haven't oyu ever hear "what goes aroun comes around". i know everyone has experienced that before.
happiness. something we dont find to often. we also take it for granted. sometimes you have to leave things behind to make yourself happy, and although that may sound selfish, you have to make sure your happiness is fulfilled in order to discontinue hurting yourself and others.
a friend. if you are a true friend you dont try to ruin something important for someone. a friend. if you are a true friend you will respect the happiness that has come to them after constant heartache.
heartache. something that everyone will go through. heartache does not only happen when you get hurt by someone, but when you hurt someone as well. because as heartless as some may think a person is, sometimes it hurts more to say i'm sorry, and that you cannot fulfill what you had once wanted and what they want, because you know, that trying to fulfill this now, would be nothing but pain, because it is not where your heart truly is.
love. something that you shouldn't let go of when you find it.
true love. there is a between love and true love. true love, you dont find very often, and it takes alot of hurting until you can find that true love. and when you do, your life will change. as much as you may not think so, you will never be able to smile so much, but worry and cry so much in your life. it may not seem so, but it is a very special thing.
family. although family does not have to be your immediate or biological, it can be the people in your life who feel like they are your family. these are people you cherish with your life. these are the people you would take a bullet for any day. but you must also respect that they too make mistakes, and although as much as you would love to fix those mistakes, you cannot, you can be their light in the darkness of the fault, helping them.
respect. you lose it, you gain it, there are different forms of it. You can never meet a person in your life, and have no respect for them because of what others say. oyu may know someone your entire life, and have more resepct for them than anyone on this planet. you may know someone for a few months, have no respect for them, then gain respect for them. or you can have resepct for someone then lose it. although it may not seem so. to gain or lose respect for someone is a very very big decision, because it reflects your behaviour and thoughts towards this person.
need. a thought for when you dislike or "hate" someone. you may not realize it, but many times in the end you try ruining this persons life, then later becoming friends with them, or in the end, you will need something from them you never thought you'd need.
jealousy. we all grow jealous of someone or something in our lives. no matter how hard we try to fight it, it over powers us. we must deal and move on.
time. everything happens in time..everything is meant to happen in time. trying to rush something will not make things easy or end up the way you want it to, let it all adjust in time.
i have met some amazing people in my life, and each and every single one who is in it is important to me, whether they think so or not, it hurts more to see them upset rather then having myself upset.
my family, the people who mean to me most, they know who they are, the main one being my joni/brie bear.
i have found love in my life that i thought i could never find. and for others to respect that would be just enough.
i apologize to those i have ever wronged. we are only human. we make mistakes.
but why make it worst for some when you yourself will make mistakes as well?
be glad you can breath, you have people in your life that do anything for you. i have had to go through numerous amounts of experiences to reach some conclusions with my life.
with love.
Nance. xo
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[24 Sep 2004|04:10pm] |
i fucking hate you..
you are not who i thought you were..
i'm so glad i'm not going to that show tomorrow..i cant handle people at this point.
why am i ranting..i might as well do somehting about it.
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[23 Sep 2004|12:05pm] |
i just want everything to be ok
why cant it be
why do people i care about have shit going on
why is such an amazing person like my father going through..all this..
why do people make things up and harm people..i'm sick of it all.
ugh
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[21 Sep 2004|10:39pm] |
um so..
i'm horrible..
and things suck..
but things are cool too..i guess...
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[18 Sep 2004|11:00am] |
last night was interesting...but cold..
friends all trashed
me sober
i didn't care though..
made some new friends..and re made friendships..
brie bear was being way to funny..
but i was being really weird too.
matterson tobinus..hah..ugh no words hah..
spencer is a doll..a great friend..
i have devo's underwear..hah..oh man..
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
i came up with some conclusions..i'm not an intimate person anymore..i really..dont like intimacy much..meaning..cuddling 24/7..and like touching..and i hate when people stare at me..its...creepy really..and..i just like being chill..but why am i talking about this..i dont know..
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
i dont really feel like posting much right now though..headache..i just want to cuddle and watch movies.
xo
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[17 Sep 2004|05:46pm] |
June
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite andsoft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. Easilyhurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
weird..
but true
do you agree?
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[14 Sep 2004|10:18am] |
so hey _____ __ i LOVE how your making shit up about myself and my friends..your a doll you know that..
you speak lies like you eat..all the time..
ugh..
i think i'm being harsh..
but you dont realize that you may be ruining things for people
i'm done
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[12 Sep 2004|04:45am] |
WOAH bored what..
-- UNIQUE --
1. Nervous Habits? : biting nails, playing with tongue ring
2. Are you double jointed? : nopee
3. Can you roll your tongue? : i used to.
4. Can you raise one eyebrow at a time? : i wish
5. Can you blow spit bubbles? : hah ya
6. Can you cross your eyes? : yes
7. Tattoos?: not yet
8. Piercings and where? : tongue, tragus, industrial, bottom part of bellybutton, ears.
9. Do you make your bed daily? : sometimes
-- CLOTHES --
10. Which shoe goes on first? : left..i think.
11. Speaking of shoes, have you ever thrown one at anyone? : that i have
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your purse/wallet? :no idea
13. What jewelry do you wear 24/7?: hot pink and black rubber bracelets, haven't taken then off since almost 2 years ago..
14. Favorite piece of clothing? : hmm.. my black pants
-- FOOD --
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? : twirl
16. Have you ever eaten Spam? : um no and never will.
17. Favorite ice cream flavor? : SOY DELICIOUS rasberry swirl
18. How many cereals in your cabinet? none?
19. What's your favourite beverage? : water / juice / chocolate coy milk
20. What's your favourite restaurant? lucky dragon <33xo oh brie
-- GROOMING --
22. How often do you brush your teeth? : everytime i can
23. Hair drying method? : hm air dry
24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair? : have i ever
-- MANNERS --
25. Do you swear? : fuck no fuck that
26. Do you ever spit? that i do.
-- WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE --
27. Animal? : chinchilla / ferret
28. Food? : thai / vegan
29. Month? hm..
30. Day?: saturday
31. Cartoon? : family guy..definately
32. Shoe Brand? wahtevs
33. Subject in school? : english
34. Color? : black
35. Sport? : is drumming considered a sport in some countries?
36. TV show? : degrassi jr. high what!
37. Thing to do in the spring? : spring stuff?
38. Thing to do in the summer? : chill
39. Thing to do in the fall? : walk alot
40. Thing to do in the winter? : umm snow stuff
-- IN AND AROUND --
41. The CD player?: im not at home..but at home BTBAM.
42. Person you talk most on the phone with? : brianne wilson<33 or patrick sparrow xo
43. Ever taken a cab? : hah oh man..cab rides..too funny..
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors? : i fear i may break the glass
45. What color is your bedroom? : hot pink
46. Do you use an alarm clock? : on my cell phone.
47. Window seat or aisle? : window
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[12 Sep 2004|04:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sick |
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woo hoo throwing up all night i love it
ugh
whats going on with me..my stomach hurts and all that seems to come out is vomit..ugh
i'v lost more weight now..
it starting to hurt....
maybe i want juice..
i'm also really cold and worried.
my friends are in dilemma's..it seems as if noone is satisfied with anything now a days..
or everyone is too worried about things..i'm defiantely being a hypocrite..
but i'd rather have my friends happy than myself..
please everyone..realize that life is shitty..its got its ups and downs..
dont take life to seriously either, you'll never get out alive..
ugh..
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[12 Sep 2004|12:37am] |
things have been good..really good..
aside from me feeling sick to shit...
but everything else..is good..
thank you everyone
i love you all so much..
you all deserve the world
<3xoxo
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[09 Sep 2004|03:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Black star- Bjork |
] |
NUMBER OF...
*piercings = 4
*tattoos = none, but soon
*height = 5'6
*shoe size = 8
*hair color = natural hair color mousy brown, current, black with red roots.
*siblings = none
LAST...
*movie you rented = Clockwork Orange
*movie you bought = Elephant, not too shabby, alot of walking though.
*song you listened to = Summer of '69..frmo gregs tape player.
*song that was stuck in your head = black star- Bjork
*cd you bought = hmm...Zao's new cd
*cd you listened to = Between the Buried and me
*person you've called = Brie <3xoxo
*person that's called you = doctor
*tv show you've watched = Degrassi jr. High
*person you were thinking of = brie bear
*friend you made = last? Jess
DO...
*you have a crush on someone = that i do :)
*you wish you could live somewhere else =
counting down the days
*you think about suicide = pretty often
*you believe in online dating = um no
*others find you attractive = i hope so.
*you want more piercings = definately
*you drink = not really anymore
*you do drugs = yes
*you smoke = when under stress..which has been alot lately
*you like cleaning = when i'm nervous
*you like roller coasters = yesss
*you write cursive or print = print mainly
FOR OR AGAINST...
*long distance relationships = nope not at all,
*using someone = HATE IT
*suicide = cant be a hypocrite
*killing people = umm..
*teenage smoking = for
*doing drugs = for
*driving drunk = Against
*gay/lesbian relationships = For
*soap operas = um..well..i dont really..care about..those..
FAVORITE... FAVOURITE...
*song = should i name them alphabetically
*thing to do = shows...umm drums...umm..shows
*thing to talk about = anything i'm an open book
*sports = snowboarding
*drinks = chocolate soy milk, iced tea, water
*clothes = as long as they cover my body
*movies = Dancer in the Dark,Requiem For A Dream, Clockwork Orange, Session 9, Vergin Suicides, But i'm a cheerleader, the list can go on..
*singer = Bjork
*holiday = Halloween
HAVE YOU...
*ever cried over a girl = sadly yes
*ever cried over a boy = ugh...yes
*ever lied to someone = yes.
*ever been in a fist fight = once
*ever been arrested = yes
NUMBER...
*of times I have been in love? twice..
*of times I have had my heart broken? my life story
*of hearts I have broken? from what i hear a few..
*of girls I have kissed? 6
*of boys I have kissed? i tallied in june with sarah, i'v lost count since.
*of drugs taken illegally? 7
*of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? 2
*of people I consider my enemies? 1
*of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? not sure, but i'm leading an interview in 20 minutes for a newspaper.
*of things in my past that I regret? i would rather not think about the past.
FAVOURITE...
*disney movie = Lilo and Stitch
*word = meow
*nickname = Nance, pants, chachi
*eye colour = brown, right now grey.
*flower = crazy daisies {brie bear<3}, lillies
*piercing = vertical labret
*actor = Jonny Depp
*actress = Sissy Spacek in carrie, molly shannon, Audrey Hepburn, Janet Leigh,
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[08 Sep 2004|04:26pm] |
i love joni more than ever.
joni you are my life..i am always here for you..
i miss you
<3xo
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[07 Sep 2004|10:15pm] |
life is so confusing..
thank you brie bear, my joni forever..i love you..
+++++
you may be the one..
thank you patrick for the beautiful picture
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[03 Sep 2004|11:20am] |
things will all change..
get better..
dont worry..
soon..this problem..
wont be around anymore..
you were right..
17 wont be seen
to think it'd be 20
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| ugh |
[02 Sep 2004|10:31am] |
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mood |
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 worried |
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i wish things were better today..
my dad..not good at all..lately hes at a thin line..looking worst and worst..his hair is thinning much more..and hospital visits are much more frequent..
my mother doesn't know when to stop her ranting...is it really necessary to blame me for my fathers pain.
is it really necessary to continue with lies and rumours..is it really necessary to ruin something or things that are going well and not a mistake has been made, but the world likes to say that there has..
i found out today Dominika, my friend who i'v known for 9 years now, who i haven't seen in about a year...her father passed away..the father who took her and i to montreal when we were 8, the father who was the only support for her family because her mother didn't work..
i guess sometimes..you shouldn't think or get angry or upset about little things..because..people make mistakes, or sometimes..people lie to cause you pain.. and there is so much worst out there..you only live once..
you can die today..tomorrow...in 3 years, in 70 years...you dont know..it sounds long..but..if you live it to the fullest starting now...pushing aside the agony and thinking about what is really important out there..laughter..happiness..etc..
you only live once..
i think i went through something life changing..
i think the world is collapsing on me..
and for once..
im scared..
i dont know what else to say.. other than..i now know that i shouldnt always beleive what i hear..what goes around comes around..
i want all my friends and even enemies..to be happy..because i guess after all this thought about life and death...its made me realize that..noone deserves to go through such heartache..
ugh..
i think i'm done..
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[31 Aug 2004|04:50pm] |
i guess i will make one of these too..
joni- you are my heart/soul/life...i would be noone without you..thank you for coming into my life..you are the greatest friend a broken hearted twisted girl can ever have..
366324- our friendship has grown so strong after the past 3 years..and keeps growing stronger..it means so much..you are my "greatest guy friend"..heh..since we dont say best friends.
my little girl- you make me very happy..and feel very good...stop worrying so much and start realizing that the great things in life you already have..and you are a great thing in my life.
lema- you are splendid..guys are horrible sometimes..its tough to find keepers...but you will..because you are beautiful on the outside and the inside..you are perfect in my eyes.
my bamboo prince- its a shame you live in windsor..because having one of your best friends live so far sucks.. i'm happy with the one you are with now..and i hope we have another fun night in a park on a rainy night with my hot pink blanket..then Tim Hortons..at 5 am...i cannot wait to see you next month.
boo boo bear- we met at a party..and i'v never been happier..you are a superb guy, and talking until 6:30 am with you was fantastic..i'm glad we can open up so much..vegan food and more talks are on their way..
mishka- your adorable..too adorable..and you are a funny drunk..very funny..and you are beautiful..thank you for always being such a good friend of mine.
CO J- i am always here for you..its a shame we've drifted apart..we used to be so close..odd how things change..
drum king- you will be my last as well..take my word.
anyone else..i'm sorry if i forgot you...these are just a few..i'd leave a little reminder/memo to...
thank you
<3xo
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